Culture, Health, Lifestyle

L’Eau de Chris: Mineral Water Infused With a Chris Hughes Tear

Since it first formed on this little rock we call home over 4.6 billion years ago, water has barely improved. Sure, it’s a lot cleaner. Sure, it comes out of taps now. But mother nature’s most celebrated product was always missing one key ingredient to make it really resonate with consumers: celebrity. Endorsement is everywhere, Smart Water has Jennifer Anniston, Vitamin Water has 50 Cent, Davidoff Cool Water has the guy from Lost, but what’s appearing in an advertising campaign when compared to infusing each bottle with some of your own bodily fluids? And that’s exactly what celebrity Chris Hughes has done with l’Eau de Chris, each bottle of which contains a single, perfectly formed Chris Hughes tear drop. The most disruptive thing to happen in the water industry since the Brita filter, L’Eau de Chris is to hydration what white bread was to brown bread, what the car was to the horse, what the electric guitar was to the violin.

After months of top secret R&D work creating this exciting new addition to our product portfolio, Topman is excited to finally unveil L’eau De Chris to an expectant public:
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Behind The Scenes: Meet Rankin

Every bottle of l’Eau de Chris captures the intense flavour and thirst quenching power of a single Chris Hughes tear, so to properly present it to the world we had to find a photographer who could do the same, just with a camera. The search was extensive. Annie Leibovitz? Busy. David Bailey? Too expensive. Ansel Adams? Dead. Finally we had it: iconic portrait photographer Rankin, who we liked because he only has one name like a Brazilian footballer. Plus he’d shot everyone from the Queen to Bowie so we knew he had the experience to handle a project of this magnitude.
Although he was pretty nervous to work with Chris Hughes we were able to calm him down a bit after the shoot and find out just how important working with a proper celebrity was to him and what he thought of his new favourite drink, L’Eau de Chris.

 

Is Chris the biggest diva you’ve ever worked with? Rumour is he’s really let the fame go to his head since Love Island.
‘I’ve only been nervous on three shoots in my career. Elizabeth Regina, Queen of Britain. Madonna, Queen of Pop. And Chris Hughes, King of Reality TV.’

How would you say the exquisite flavour and re-hydrating power of l’eau de Chris has impacted your creative process?
‘It’s not really something I’m able to quantify. But it’s provided this life changing clarity. Sometimes I’ll take a photograph without even using a camera.’

Do you think you’d have been more successful if this product had been released at the start of your career?
‘Once you turn 50 your thoughts inevitably turn to your legacy. I’ve got one eye on my successor, the person who is going to take over all this once I enter the first phase of Cryogenic Freezing. But that search is over having met Chris. We had such chemistry on that. It reminded me of the more fragile moments between Mr Miyagi and Daniel in the first Karate Kid.’

Chris cries in the video you’ve shot with him – was it easy to make him cry on set? What did you have to say to him?
‘I really wouldn’t want to betray his trust or the sacrosanct connection between artist and muse. Not to mention the seven different NDAs I’ve signed.’

What makes you cry?
‘This interview.’

Would you say your tears taste better than Chris’s?
‘That’s like asking whether the Sistine Chapel is superior to the Mona Lisa.

Which celebrity has the best tasting tears?
‘Danny Dyer.’

You’ve spent over 30 years photographing some of the biggest names in pop culture – now that you’ve photographed Chris Hughes are you finally ready to hang up your camera?
‘As a photographer, you never really think about retiring. You’re always thinking of the next picture. Except now it’s the next picture of Chris Hughes.’

Chris and Kem have a song coming and you’ve made music videos for stars like Kelly Roland, Kelis, and Tinie Tempah. Would you say not being asked to make the video for their single is the biggest disappointment of your career?
‘Sometimes you’ve got to put your hands up and accept that there’s a bigger force at play. Something too hot to handle.’

 

Behind The Scenes: Meet Chris Hughes

L’Eau de Chris isn’t just a beverage, it’s a collaboration. Taking Chris Hughes’ scene stealing charm (and six pack) combining it with the unparalleled thirst quenching ability of water was always going to be a hit – we’re taking the world’s most popular beverage and making it more flavoursome, more luxurious, and more hydrating*. We only had one problem: how do you get that many tears out of one man? Well since his release from Love Island, we’ve had Chris Hughes locked up like a battery hen watching footage of his beloved Everton being kicked out of the FA Cup and Cash Hughes being handed over to Child Protective Services and just harvested the proceeds.

With enough tears finally collected to do our first small batch release of L’Eau de Chris, we had an opportunity to talk to Chris about his newfound stardom, crying, and going commando:

*Legally and medically speaking the high salt content of L’Eau de Chris actually makes it less hydrating than standard H2O.

 

What do your tears taste like?
‘A little bit salty. I haven’t tasted my tears much since Love Island, I haven’t cried as much since I’ve been on there. But salty.’

Is there any other bodily fluids you’d bottle up and sell?
‘I can think of one.’

How do you feel about being on billboards, taxis and busses?
‘It’s quite nice. Now that I’m wandering around London quite a lot it’ll be nice to see my face and body. It’s not a bad thing.’

What makes you cry?
‘My Missus when she drives me a little bit mad. But I find that when you cry you feel better, so I don’t mind crying.’

Would you rather wear your boxers two days in a row or go commando?
‘I’ve done it a few times, I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with going commando. The thing with me is though I want a little bit of tackle, so I like it tucked away. I like the comfort of a pair of boxers. Personally I’d wear them twice.’

How can regular guys look good in their boxers?
‘Stay fit. I’ve kind of let myself go a bit, I haven’t been to the gym in three months now, only because I haven’t had time. But be confident in your own skin.’

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