How Not to be that Guy - TOPMAN
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How Not To Be “That Guy”

 

Ah, the Christmas do. The culmination of a year of toil, tension and hard work packaged up into one night of dimly-lit, booze-fuelled revelry. What could possibly go wrong? A lot, actually. We’ve all seen it. There’s always That Guy. At every Christmas do up and down the land, there is That Guy. At YOUR party, there will be That Guy. It’s unavoidable.

 

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The morning after the Christmas party can be particularly galling if a) you fear you may have got too drunk and acted like a bit of an idiot, or b) you KNOW you got too drunk and definitely acted like a slobbering imbecile. Here is how to minimise the risk of ‘That Guy’ at your party being you:

Perhaps the best technique in this field is to identify who you think WILL be ‘That Guy’ and use them as a reference point during the evening. Either beforehand (if they have previous), or just as the night starts to pan out, look out for someone who seems as though they may be about to cause a scene at any time. As long as you’re less drunk than That Guy, you’re fine.

 

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  - Don’t go.

  - Romance at the Christmas party is generally not a good idea under most circumstances. If it’s right it’s right, but what would sober you do?

  - There are the obvious, house-keeping things like; eat, drink water and don’t under ANY circumstance participate in a dance off. Or dance at all. Best not to dance. Although, referring to point one; if there is somebody drunker than you, bellowing and dancing crazily like a gorilla in a wind tunnel, by all means crank out the moves. 

 

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  - If you are feeling yourself breaching a tipping point, what do you do? Stop and go home? No dice. All you need to do is go to the gents, or outside, have a seat and have a few moments peace and quiet to gather your thoughts and come round a little. Do not, under any circumstance, use this time to write anything on text or social media.

  - The Christmas party doesn’t end until you go to sleep. An ill-judged, post-party text message from bed can be as humiliating as public calamity, so leave the phone alone.

 

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Hopefully you can use this to help you avoid being That Guy at this year’s party. If, however, you wake up clothed, covered in mud, nursing an acute sensation of inner turmoil, receipts totalling £300 and 50 missed calls, it’s probably safe to say it didn’t go that well. Time to face the music. Shoulders back, deep breath, they’ll have forgotten about it by next October.


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