Freshers week can be a tough time: you’re in a strange new environment, you have to make new friends, you’re not sure if your heart can take that much Jägermeister. So to ease you into this big life change, we’ve illustrated a few tips to help you survive this gruelling experience, touching on some highly important university topics e.g. cheese and traffic cones.
Having a Freshers Week fling with a flat mate is probably more awkward than sleeping with a distant cousin. Sure it’s disturbing doing the horizontal tango with a blood relative, but living with someone for a year when you’ve drunkenly wriggled around on top of them for 30 seconds like a fish out of water can get incredibly awkward.
It may seem like fun and games putting a traffic cone on your head, but when PC Buzzkill finds you and has to contact the paramedics to come butter you up because it won’t come off, you’re going to get some ridiculous nick name like cone/knob head. Let others be idiots; play devil’s advocate and film the lot.
Putting up a poster of Che Guevara, Marilyn Monroe or those New York City builders is more cliché than a middle class sociology student taking a gap year after their first term because they need to ‘find them selves.’ Go to a local record shop and get some band posters instead, they’re a lot cooler than a smelly, homicidal Cuban revolutionary.
There’s nothing worse than liking the sound of jangly 80s indie guitar music and ending up at a sweaty neon rave that plays ‘Put A Donk In It’ four times in one night. Research where you’re planning to end up; don’t just follow your new flat mates – especially if one of them has a crystal earring and a tribal tattoo.
Pubs and clubs used to be great for chatting people up, but with the rise of Tinder and other dating apps, the human race has realised that a lot of lads are misogynists fuelled by testosterone and non-branded energy drinks. That’s where libraries come in, where you can you can show off your Shakespearian soliloquy skills and hands can touch reaching for the same criminal psychology course book.
From pasta and microwave sausages to chips and beans, cheese makes the most upsetting of meals a shiny beacon of fatty hope. A word to the wise: keep your cheddar in your own mini fridge in your room, because that sweet fromage is like crack to some students, and there’s always a food thief in every flat.